Category Archives: Uncategorized

Friday August 25, 2017

Dear son,

So I missed a week of updating for a week.  It’s a good thing, that only means nothing serious happened, which is always a cause of celebration.

Sleeping has been better, you still wake up and cry, but not for the long duration like earlier.  That is good, because sleep is good.  Not just for you, but for your mom and I.  I guess you will soon be ready for the next challenge, sleeping in the tent without the railings and then onto your own bed.  I know this is going to happen sooner rather than later.

Daycare wise, you advanced to the next level.  I don’t know if you like it or not, but Monday when you returned from daycare, your mom said you seemed sad.  However, it looked like you adapted Tuesday, Wednesday because you seemed to be in good spirits those two days.  It’s a little tougher for us, because in this new class they stopped giving us report cards, so we don’t know if you napped well, or are eating well. However, when I spoke with your teacher, she said you were adapting fine.  I’ll have to ask her a little more next week.  I wasn’t able to talk to her much, because Wednesday Erica was there in the morning.  And you love Erica.  I know you do, because on Monday/Tuesday drop off, you cried.  Wednesday drop off with Erica, nothing.

Nothing really interesting to tell you this week.  You still are so frail and prone to getting sick.  It worries your poa-poa sick, because she doesn’t understand why you get sick.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to really understand it as well.  I have hope, though, that you get all these little sicknesses will only build greater immunity for the future.

Love always,



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Monday July 31, 2017

Dear son,

I missed writing Friday.  Surprisingly work has been busy.  I started this blog to kill time, but last week, work was busy resulting in my missed entry Friday.

The good news is, nothing crazy happened last week.  This is a huge relief.  Okay, so you weren’t sleeping through the night last week, but your mom and I mustered the courage required and let you cry it out starting Friday of the week before last week.   You cried and cried, and from the monitor is actually looks quite sad.  You would point to the door hoping someone would come, but no one did.  The first night, after almost an hour of crying, you finally calm down and went to bed.  The next morning when you woke up, you were happy as can be.  It’s as if nothing happened.

Once we saw that, we knew you were fine.  So we kept this up for the whole week.  One hiccup we did encounter was last Monday, during your crying spell, you actually cried so hard you threw up.  I think that night you ate too much rich and didn’t chew your strawberries.  How do I know this, because I had to clean up your puke.  I thought my gag reflexes were quite good, since I don’t gag when changing your diaper.  But puke clean up is something different.  That acid smell… blah.

Anyway, that night was a long night, because your mom and I were on high alert since you threw up all over you sleep sack.  So when you went back to bed, you didn’t have your sleep sack.  If you woke up again, we worried you would climb out.  Luckily, you didn’t climb out.   But you still woke up one time.

We found that you need to wake up at least once.  If we don’t get you, and you calm yourself down, you won’t wake up again.  If we give in, then you will wake up again.

Finally, this past weekend, you slept through the night.  What a relief. But, not sure if it was some kind of regression, but you woke up crying last night again.  Not sure why, but your mom and I stuck to the plan and let you cry it out.

So this was the past week update, sleep RE-training.  I hope this is the last time we do this.

Love always,


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Friday July 21, 2017

Dear son,

Today is a tough write.  You have been an absolute nightmare to us this past week.  You don’t even know, because everything is fun and games for you everyday, but ever since last week, you have not slept through the night.  Typically, you wake up once, but now you are waking up three/four times a night.  Of course, we are afraid that you are scared because of the fall, so we come and get you.  When we get you, we don’t sleep, we just watch you, while you get to sleep.  By the time we do sleep, you wake up again.  It’s demoralizing and exhausting when we go to bed, we know we won’t be sleeping.  Suffice to say, we are frustrated.

Luckily, last night your poa-poa came, and she woke up to get you instead of us.  Finally, we got to sleep through the night, it was beautiful.  I feel so refreshed.  But tonight is a new battle.  We decided this weekend, you will cry it out.  We are not going to get you, and we know you can’t get out of your crib, so you can cry all you want, but no one is coming.

I know this sounds cruel, and in many ways it is.  But a little pain for long term gain is worth it.  Gain for us, cause we sleep, and gain for you cause you learn to sleep again throughout the night.  This will come in handy when you move to a bigger bed.

Love always (you are just making it a little more difficult this week :)),


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Friday July 7, 2017

Dear son,

It’s days like this I wonder to myself, will you ever stay healthy?  Last week you were started coughing and over the weekend you developed a fever which kept you home from daycare.  Your fever went away Wednesday, and just when we thought we were in the clear, your chest, back and face started to grow little red dots.  Not sure what it is, but it maybe a heat rash because your maa-maa yea-yea took you outside to play yesterday probably all bundled up (since we are asian) and you reacted to your sweat. Hopefully it’s nothing, but at this point, I’m not optimistic.  (I figured if I’m not optimistic, I won’t be disappointed with whatever the outcome is).

So this past weekend was Canada 150th birthday.  The Ontario government paid $120,000 for a 30 foot rubber duck to sit at the harbor front.  Given that your mom and I would never see a duck like this probably in our lifetime.  We decided to go and see it.  From what we read, there was activities as well, so we thought it would be a great family adventure.

Turns out, it was quite disappointing.  First of all, there is absolutely no room for your stroller (and no, we are not letting you run around… what if you jump into the lake?) and there were no activities, just food stalls.  The rubber duck was big, and that was really the only highlight of the duck.  Of course, we were obliged to take a selfie and we got some great family shots.  So I guess there was more to just the height that was the highlight.

Of course, you being you, don’t care about the duck.  All you cared about were trucks… in particular fire trucks.  There was a fire station near by which opened their doors, and one fire truck for visitors to sit in and take pictures.  Of course, this was the highlight of your day.  You were so excited to have a chance to sit in the fire truck, we went and sat in it twice… we would of went again, but it was getting late.  Since there was a line to get into the truck, while I waited, you and mom went to look at the other fire truck in the station.  You loved describing that the other fire truck was “sleeping” and kept pointing to it.  When the fire engine turned on their lights and siren, you were absolutely thrilled. I don’t blame you, I mean you see fire trucks on TV and you have fire truck toys, but seeing one real life, it would be like your dad meeting Michael Jordan (you may need to google who he is when you read this).

Anyway, that was the week.  We went to see a duck and you got sick.  Let’s hope next week is more eventful, or at least you are not sick.  🙂

Love always,


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Friday – June 9, 2017

Dear son,

I wanted to write sooner once we returned from Hawaii, but I figured it best to keep to the schedule of writing on Friday.

So yes, we have returned and I have to admit, it was a nice break for your mom and I, but every corner we turned while we were in Hawaii we thought of you.  Not going to go into too much detail about Hawaii, as I think we would return as a family when you are older.  Hopefully the good food places are still there, and you would get the chance to try some surfing.  Your old man sucks at it, your mom is more respectable.  But I’ve decided to not put myself through that torture again, but if you and your mom wants to go surfing, I would be more than happy to watch from the beach.

Your grandparents gave us daily updates of you while we were gone.  It made us sad to find out upon return that your cough has come back.  Maa-Maa Yea-Yea told us to bring some medicine for you when we went to pick you up, but your poa-poa said we should see the doctor.  When we asked for more detail, your poa-poa said you were fine.  You will find out quickly that your grandparents understate the truth to not have us worry.  I do think you will see that when you get older.

We were jetlagged from our red-eye flight, surprisingly I was not as tired as your mom on the Tuesday morning of our return date.  So I decided to put away all the luggage and clothes before we picked you up to hide any traces we were away.  I just didn’t want you to think that we have left at all (which is a lie, I know) or that we are going somewhere with you.  After all was done, we went to pick you up.

When we got to poa-poa’s place, maa-maa yea-yea was there already.  The jetlag now hit me, so I was a little slow in getting upstairs to see you.  I didn’t see your first reaction when we returned, but from the sounds, it seems you were quite excited.  When I got upstairs, I asked your mom how you were and whether we had to visit the doctor.  The answer was yes, so I left a voicemail to the doctor for an appointment.

Once that was settled, I finally had the opportunity to give you a proper hug.  First thing I noticed was your nails were so filthy.  I guess your grandparents didn’t bother cutting your nails.  What was worse, they had you bundled up in very thick, non-breathable fleece clothing.  The weather in Toronto turned cold the last few days, and with your cough, they thought you were cold.  So they decided to bundle you up as if it was freezing outside.  I think it was because you were so hot, and not having a proper shower, you were itchy.   So with your long nails, you scratched yourself quite bad and your back and legs had little scratch marks.  If I didn’t know any better, it looked like you got whipped while you were gone.

Then, your grandparents told us a concerning story.  The day we left, poa-poa saw your face was a little red.  She asked you what happened, and you said “suk suk da” (uncle hit) followed with the action of your hand hitting your face.  I was not sure how to interpret this.  First, in your daycare, everyone there is a woman.  You know the word for woman (“Jea-Jea”), so if they hit you you would of stated that.  But suk-suk is confusing.  Your mom and I guest you either saw a dad hit their kid at daycare or saw something on TV.  Whatever the case maybe, when I got you the Tuesday night before our trip, you weren’t opposed to staying at daycare.  Leads me to believe it’s not the daycare, but something else.  Funny thing is, this time your grandparents did not understate the significance of this, and made it a point to ensure we know about it and monitor it.  I think the reason they were extra cautious because they just don’t trust other people.

Each grandparent then proceeded to talk about the events which happened while we were gone.  Most of it were happy stories, but I think your grandparents don’t think it was a good idea we left you.  So I don’t think that would happen again.

After this, maa-maa yea-yea left and we had dinner at poa-poa’s.  You did not want to eat, as usual.  You have become quite a food critic and to be honest poa-poa’s meal that night was quite subpar.  But you never not eat, it’s rude.  As you were not eating, we just packed everything up and brought you home to give you a proper shower.

Honestly, I think you just missed home.  Once you got home, you were back to your usual self, making noises, running around.  When we got you a nice shower, you were even more refreshed.  I don’t blame you, those fleece clothing should only be left for the winter.  Seeing how happy you were coming home, it’s hard to leave you again.

The next day, your mom got the day off so she took you to see the doctor.  Hoping for the best, I assumed it was nothing to be worried about.  Of course, good news don’t run in the family and we find out that you may have childhood asthma, like me.   Apparently it’s genetics, sorry.  Well, I know like me, you will grow out of it.  At least that is what I’ll tell myself so as to not feel as guilty for my weak genetics.

In the afternoon, you went to play with Brody in the park.  Since I had to pick up your medicine, and your mom had to cook.  I decided to get you from the park, and we can hang out at Costco while your mom cooks.  When we got to costco, you were very obedient and not running around too much.  You held my finger and just walked where I walked.   While we waited for your prescription to be filled, you had so much fun watching the mechanics change tired.  It never ceases to amaze me how fascinated you are with the little things.  All in all, I had a wonderful time at Costco, and really enjoyed these father-son times.

One day, I know, you will not want to hang out with me.  All you will want from me is money and a ride.  That is the reality.  As much as I hate that idea, I know it’s a transition in life we all go through.  I went through that with yea-yea as well. So though it’ll be frustrating, I will love you just the same.  And when one day, you have kids of your own, you will come to appreciate all that I went through for you, like all that yea-yea went through for me.





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Monday – May 29, 2017

Dear son,

After two weeks away from daycare, you are finally well enough to go back.  Finally, we are not just throwing money away.  I know that this is only the beginning of us throwing money away on your behalf.  You won’t know it, but we will try to teach it.  Hopefully, you will grow up to be financially responsible like us.

As always, when I drop you off, you cry.  It’s heartbreaking for me to see you so sad.  You wake up in the morning, refreshed and happy.  You do not know you will be dropped off at daycare, but I do.  I feel like I am betraying your trust.  It is ultimately for the greater good.  You learn more things in daycare, and learn to socialize, something which is very important.  It is great to spend time with your grandparents, but more importantly you spend time with new people and other kids.  Just like the money, you won’t think it’s important now, but you will know when you get older how important this is.

In a few days, we will leave for Hawaii.  We will leave you in the loving care of your grandparents.  I hope you don’t know we left you behind, and you can leave all the “missing you” sentiments with your parents.  We will miss you lots – heck, I miss you now.  Look on the bright side, no more daycare.

I hope you have a great day, and remember though it sucks now, it’s always for your best.  Hope you will know that one day.


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Friday – May 26, 2017

Dear son,

Crazy week last week.  I didn’t realize it while writing last week’s letter, but last Friday you were really ill.  I saw the signs, but I didn’t know what it meant.  On Friday morning of last week, I noticed you were breathing very heavily.  Your little tummy beat like a heart beat.  I didn’t think much of it, because I didn’t know what that meant, and I left for work as normal.

In the late afternoon, I called my parents to check up on you.  They said you were sleeping all day, which for me was a good sign.  More sleep = faster recovery.  So my parents didn’t take you out Friday, as they normally would, and just let you rest.

That night, was supposedly our delayed your mom’s birthday/your grandpa’s (yea-yea) birthday/Mother Day celebration.  We made reservations at Dragon Legend, which we looked forward to.  This buffet had some good reviews, but more importantly it had all you can eat peking duck!  I don’t know when the last time I had peking duck, but I was sure looking forward to it.

When your mom and I arrived, you were already there.  Immediately, when your mom saw you, she knew something was wrong.  I saw you looked ill, but I didn’t think much of it. (Difference between dad’s and mom’s – always listen to mom) Your mom then held you and got more worried.  Meanwhile in the background, yea-yea and maa-maa told us you were sweating a lot.  They were reluctant to say, but they said you were cold-sweating.  Not knowing what that meant, we pressed for the meaning.  Without giving too much, they said these were signs of weakness.  We got the hint, it was not good.  Your mom wasn’t sure whether to take you to the walk-in or just eat and monitor.  On one hand, she didn’t want to waste money as we had to pay for our spots, but on the other she was concerned.  After we picked up a plate of peking duck, she asked me whether we should just go to the walk-in, or stay here.  I, as always, defer the decision to her.  She was on the fence.  Then I made an executive decision to take you to the walk-in.

Luckily, the people at Dragon Legend saw we didn’t eat, and so did not charge us for the meal.

After we went home to pick your health card, we quickly went to the walk-in near Dr. Mills-Tettey.

We got to the walk-in at around 6:30-6:45pm.  Man, it was packed.  We looked through the window and the waiting area was full.  So I quickly parked and we hurried in to register.  Your mom had to wait in the lobby (outside the waiting area), while I went in.  When I went to register, the receptionist was quite flustered.  She even snapped at some of the waiting parents.  I thought she was overwhelmed due to volume, but what we found out later that night when it was finally our turn, she had been working all day.  During her day shift, a baby came for her 48 hour appointment, but this baby’s mom passed away during childbirth.  So this baby came with her aunt and without saying it, I’d imagine there were lots of tears.  Heck, thinking about it makes me a little sad.

After I registered you, I drove across the street to get McDonalds.  When I came back with the food, you seem interested and uninterested at the same time.  You ate some and puked it out.  I wasn’t sure if it was because you were ill or you didn’t like the taste.  But you looked so fatigued, it was heartbreaking.  I didn’t eat, I was too worried.  Your mom always tells me that I am a worry-wart.  Meanwhile, your mom ate and was calm over the whole ordeal.  As we waited, I watched you and sat next to you trying to transfer some of my good health over, even though I was sick.  But seeing you sick just makes me feel helpless.  I rather be sick than watch you sick.

While we were waiting, a child ahead of us was vomitting and when he saw the pediatrician, the pediatrician had to refer him to the hospital.  I told your mom that I hope we would not need to go to hospital.  Your dad hates hospitals, the only ever time I go to hospital was for bad news.  Last time I was in the hospital was for your birth, so it did make it a little easier, but hospitals are just not a pleasant place to be.

Of course, as always, I jinx myself. When we met with the pediatrician, and the pediatrician saw you had trouble breathing (four times normal), we were sent directly to the hospital. 😦

Funny story though, there was a Chinese family who brought their kid (looked like 7 ish) in because he was playing and must of hit his head pretty hard.  From looking at them, there was no visible issues with him, but Chinese parents will be Chinese.  Always worried about some kind of brain damage.  I mean, you hit your head all the time, it’s part of being a boy.

Back to the story.  Of course, the pediatrician told us we had to go to the hospital, I tried my best to contain my anxiousness.  My poker face is not the best, so your mom saw right through it, though she didn’t say anything.  At this time, I think I started losing my voice.  I’ve been battling a cold, and I sounded like I was going through puberty again.  So with this news, it just got worse.

We arrived at the hospital, and I dropped off your mom to register.  Now at this time, my mind is in panic mode. I quickly park the car, run back into the hospital to make sure I don’t miss a second.  Because we waited for 2.5 hours at the walk-in clinic we only had to wait 10 mins before we were admitted.  At this time, you were already sleeping on your mom.  I think this is your favorite position.  You loved sleeping on mom.  They gave us a room, and started giving you a broncho-dialater.  This is supposed to open your airways to allow you to breath more easily.  As this is not just some medicine we force you to take, this is a 15 minute dose which you have to absorb through a facemask, you didn’t like it.  We both knew you wouldn’t and even the nurse said, in the many patients he has seen, no kid ever liked it.  So when we administered it, you kept pushing it away.  We finally convinced the nurse to just keep it close to your mouth as opposed to having you inhale everything.  It was becoming too difficult.  So as you rested against your mom, we put the mask closely against your mouth so you will absorb as much as you could.  You had to take 3 doses before and see how you were doing.  After 3 doses, I did see your breathing improve and what a relief that was.  Your little tummy was not beating like your heart beat, but it was still beating.

You and your mom rested while we waited for the on-call pediatrician to see us.  As I didn’t have anything I could do I kept pacing back and forth worrying for you.  You will find out quite quickly as men, we just want to fix everything.  Even if it’s not our problem, instinctively with any issues, we look for the solution.  So in this case, in the face of such helplessness, I felt quite unease about the whole situation.

Then, before the pediatrician could see us, your monitor started beeping. I didn’t know what it was, but seeing you were sound asleep I didn’t think much of it.  The nurse came in and noticed that your oxygen intake was low.  That’s a sign that the medicine was not working.  He administered pure oxygen to you and so while you slept, we put this pure oxygen mask close to your face and you breathed in pure oxygen while you slept.  You may not have known it, but you must of enjoyed it.  Pure oxygen is so good for your body.  With this treatment, your oxygen intake started getting better.

The pediatrician came and looked at you.  He noticed weezing and you looked like you had trouble breathing.  So oral steroids were perscribed to loosen the muscle around your airways.  This oral steroids was a 8ml shot taken through the mouth.  You already hate medicine, so I knew this would be challenging.  Of course it was, and you fought us, but you got what you needed and since it was 11:30 pm, once the fight was over, you quickly went back to sleep.

With this last set of medication, I saw your breathing getting better and I started being more at ease with the whole situation.  Either I was not as panicked or I was too tired, but seeing you peacefully sleeping gave me peace.

Remember the kid who went into the walk-in earlier puking and went to the hospital.  Well he was there as well.  Apparently he had pneumonia.

At around 2:00am, the pediatrician came, took some readings and finally gave discharged us.  You were prescribed a puffer to take home.

Here is a peaceful picture of you sleeping.


We didn’t sleep until 3:00am.  I hope you remember the sacrifices we made for you.

The next day, we asked your yea-yea and maa-maa to come over with breakfast.  We’re pretty sure both your grandparents didn’t sleep much.  You didn’t seem to feel the food, though you ate some of it, which was already a huge improvement from the previous few days.  As suspected, you looked quite tired.

So by 10:00am, we put you back to sleep.  Hoping you would sleep longer, your mom and I tried to catch some Zs, but by the time we were about to dose off, you woke up.  That was around noon.  Great, now we were tired and you were awake.

We had a little leftovers from breakfast which we thought you would eat.  You really didn’t want it, so I suspect you didn’t like the food.  What struck us as odd was you kept wanting to go to the kitchen.  While in the kitchen, you wanted to play with the pots and you wanted to cook.  Since your mom and I were tired and wanted to make you happy.  We imitated the cooking on your behalf.  We took out the pot, then you pointed to the spice rack and we pour some spices on the pot and pretended to cook.  Then you pointed towards the pasta.  We stopped there because we didn’t want to cook you a new meal and we weren’t sure if you were playing or serious.

After battling with you a pit with the food, we realized you didn’t want to eat the leftovers (you were always picky), we conceded and guessed that you may want pasta.   I was once again a nervous wreck because I was worried you’d be hungry.  So your mom made you pasta.  Surprisingly, you were not joking and you ate up all the pasta.  What a relief when I saw you had your fill.

Once full, you were back to your old playful and cheerful self.  I don’t know about your mom, but I was quite relieved.

We tried putting you to sleep at 4:00pm, thinking you ought to be tired.  We hoped you be tired, because we were beat.  Once we got you upstairs, it’s like you had coffee or something, but you were wide awake.  Without much to do, we took you to costco to get your prescription filled.

On our way there, you started to fall asleep.  Great.  We decided to keep you up.  I thought maybe if you stayed up, you sleep early.  Big mistake.  Not only were you tired, but you did not want to eat.  So after Costco, we drove to winners and afterwards we’ll eat some ramen.  Of course, you fell asleep. While you were asleep your mom went to winners.  We hoped you would sleep until she returned, but luck was not on our side this long weekend.  You woke up crying for mom.  I had no choice but to bring you to winners.

Once at winners, you cried more for mommy.  Mommy showed up out of the changeroom and you were all calm again.  However, you were trying to lead us to the toys section.  I’m not sure how many times you’ve been to this winners, but you sure knew your way around.  So, without much choice, we followed you to the toys section, where you proceeded looking for your favorite car.   I don’t know what car you were looking for, but whatever it was you were looking for, you couldn’t find it.

As it was getting late, and we couldn’t convince you to leave, we had to carry you out.  Gosh, it looked like a kidnapping the way you cried.  I wonder if anybody thought it was a kidnapping of some sort.  You cried in winners than in the parking lot while we put you in the car.   Once you were strapped in, we decided against Ramen as you were in such a foul mode.

I have to be honest, at this point, I was so frustrated with you.  Why didn’t you behave?  Did you not know what we went through?  It was at this time that I told your mom we will leave you at po-po’s on Monday.  We needed a break.

The naughtiness did not ease up.  Instead of ramen, we went to eat wonton soup noodles.  We ordered the food, and you refused to eat.  So we ate.  At the end of the meal, we tried to give you some, you seem to want it, had some and decided against it.

Finally, just before you went to bed, you opened up and ate some cookies and had some milk.  That reassured me you would sleep well.  You wouldn’t sleep well if you were hungry, I know it.

Sunday rolled around and you didn’t eat breakfast.  I’m not sure if you didn’t want oatmeal, or you were hungry.  You once again started asking for pots which you can’t have to play with.  I do not know what is your obsession with pots, but you just seem to go crazy over it.  After trying to convince you to eat with no success, we gave up and decided to go to Vaughan Mills.

You love malls.  You love running around in malls.  And you always laugh the loudest when you are running.

Luckily at Vaughan Mills, you ate.  You seem to want pasta, because we got this pasta dish at Aroma and you ate quite a bit of it.  Not as much as you normally do, but quite a bit. I’m not sure if you ate too much Chinese food, but this weekend you did not feel Chinese food at all.  When we called Po-Po, we told her about your pickiness and for dinner that night, you po-po made spaghetti for you.  She really goes out of her way for you.  As always, you had a great time at Po-Po’s place.  We were quite tired of everything, and frustrated at you for being so naughty, so we were really looking forward to dropping you off Monday.

Monday rolls around, and finally it’s our day off.  We dropped you off and decided to do nothing.  Well I did nothing, but your mom food prepped. During the day, though I was relaxed, I started to miss you.  I mean it’s nice to just sit and relax, but having  you running around and making noises has become my part of life.  Without you, things seem so empty.

Suffice to say, when we saw you again that night, I was energized to play with you.

Sometimes I will get frustrated with you.  Mostly it’s because you frustrate me.  You will be naughty, and maybe do mean things.  However, whatever happens, I will always be your dad and you will always be my son.  There will never be anything which can seperate that.  I will always love you unconditionally.


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