Friday July 14, 2017

Dear son,

Goodness, there is always something to write.  Whenever I write to you, I figured one of these weeks, it’s going to be a two-liner with no real happenings.  I am mixed about whether that’s a good thing or bad thing.  Sometimes I rather have a short update (which has not happened yet!) than having to tell you what happened to you.  Nonetheless, let’s begin with what happened to you this past week… more specifically what happened last night.

As you know, you have been waking up in the middle of the night constantly ever since your mom and I returned from Hawaii.  I feel it’s some sort of revenge you are exacting on us for leaving you to go to Hawaii ourselves.  Regardless, the only way we find which helps to have you sleep through the night is to let you cry it out when you wake up.  We are often very careful when you do cry, because you have shown the ability to climb out of your crib.  However, you have yet to climb out with the sleep sack on.  The drop is not too high, but it’s worrisome nonetheless.

This week started like every other week, and you cried in the middle of the night on Tuesday night.  (It is worthy to note, you didn’t wake up Monday, but your dad couldn’t sleep well that night… so it’s a lost for me).  We let you cry it out because your poa-poa will be coming over Wednesday night, and she will not let you cry.   On Wednesday, you again woke up in the middle of the night.  It was my mistake, but I forgot to your poa-poa that she should not get you and let you cry it out.  So you cried 3 times that night, and she got your 3 times.  Your mom was so upset, she tried to tell your poa-poa that she has to let you cry it out.  Your poa-poa of course would not let that happen. She said you were thirsty and worried you were sick.  Well it’s not unreasonable since last time she stayed over you were sick… sigh.  As usual, when you wake up, we all wake up.  So your mom woke up three times, and progressively got more upset each time.  She knew that by your poa-poa getting you, she is indirectly given you the ability to call for us by crying.  Your mom loves her sleep… or needs her sleep.  When she’s cranky, it’s bad news for all of us.  You’ll understand when you are married.

So last night, we told your poa-poa to not get you.  I was prepared to let you cry it out as well as wake up in the middle of the night to block her in case she gets soft.  As expected, you wake up at 2:55ish.  I wake up immediately.  I use the washroom before acting as a roadblock.  Your mom saw glimpse of you climbing out and she was worried.  You didn’t climb out and lied back down on your bed.  This was when I came out of the washroom.  I proceeded towards the hallway and realized I left my phone in the room.  So I went back into the room, pick up the phone and wait outside the hallway.  As I leave our room, I hear a thump coming from your room.  I feared the worse.  And it was the worse.  You climbed out and fell on to the ground.  I quickly get you and hug you, your mom comes running in afterwards.  She was worried you had a concussion because you were shaking a little bit.  So we had to turn on the light and check if you were okay, which you were.  I think you were shaking because you were shocked from the fall.

Since you did climb out, your mom didn’t want you back in the crib.  So we moved your crib mattress onto the ground beside the crib and tried to get you to sleep there.  I think the environment was new, so you didn’t sleep on the ground.  The struggle lasted for 2 hours, and your mom was to the point of tears (she was in tears actually) because you wouldn’t sleep.  Ultimately, she caved and we put you back into the crib just so you would sleep.  We figure we’ll come up with a solution tonight.

So that was the story.  I guess we’ll have to see what to do tonight.  Sigh,

Love always,

Dad.

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Friday July 7, 2017

Dear son,

It’s days like this I wonder to myself, will you ever stay healthy?  Last week you were started coughing and over the weekend you developed a fever which kept you home from daycare.  Your fever went away Wednesday, and just when we thought we were in the clear, your chest, back and face started to grow little red dots.  Not sure what it is, but it maybe a heat rash because your maa-maa yea-yea took you outside to play yesterday probably all bundled up (since we are asian) and you reacted to your sweat. Hopefully it’s nothing, but at this point, I’m not optimistic.  (I figured if I’m not optimistic, I won’t be disappointed with whatever the outcome is).

So this past weekend was Canada 150th birthday.  The Ontario government paid $120,000 for a 30 foot rubber duck to sit at the harbor front.  Given that your mom and I would never see a duck like this probably in our lifetime.  We decided to go and see it.  From what we read, there was activities as well, so we thought it would be a great family adventure.

Turns out, it was quite disappointing.  First of all, there is absolutely no room for your stroller (and no, we are not letting you run around… what if you jump into the lake?) and there were no activities, just food stalls.  The rubber duck was big, and that was really the only highlight of the duck.  Of course, we were obliged to take a selfie and we got some great family shots.  So I guess there was more to just the height that was the highlight.

Of course, you being you, don’t care about the duck.  All you cared about were trucks… in particular fire trucks.  There was a fire station near by which opened their doors, and one fire truck for visitors to sit in and take pictures.  Of course, this was the highlight of your day.  You were so excited to have a chance to sit in the fire truck, we went and sat in it twice… we would of went again, but it was getting late.  Since there was a line to get into the truck, while I waited, you and mom went to look at the other fire truck in the station.  You loved describing that the other fire truck was “sleeping” and kept pointing to it.  When the fire engine turned on their lights and siren, you were absolutely thrilled. I don’t blame you, I mean you see fire trucks on TV and you have fire truck toys, but seeing one real life, it would be like your dad meeting Michael Jordan (you may need to google who he is when you read this).

Anyway, that was the week.  We went to see a duck and you got sick.  Let’s hope next week is more eventful, or at least you are not sick.  🙂

Love always,

Dad.

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Friday June 30, 2017

Dear son,

Guess what?  You are coughing again.  I hate shooting myself in the foot, but I do it often.  Last week, I mentioned you have stopped coughing.  Just as it seems we are over the hump, it turned cold suddenly Tuesday.  That night, you coughed.  Then it got worse Wednesday.  Back on the puffers you go.

Luckily (crossing my fingers I don’t shoot myself in the foot again), your cough got better yesterday as you stayed at home with poa-poa all day.  Your poa-poa is confused why you are always sick.  Your mom never got sick as a child, but for some reason once there’s a little change in the weather, you’d get sick.  That only means one thing, along with the asthma you inherited, you also inherited my weak immune system.  Sorry, again.  Though you inherited much of my bad genes, I do hope you inherit some good ones such as being a hardworker, not being spoiled, being responsible… (I know those are not genes, but meh).

Last night, your mom went out with auntie Jen.  So, it was you, me and poa-poa.  While poa-poa washed the dishes, we got to spend some father-son time.  We first played with your cars, but afterwards, we did some drawing.  I think it was exciting for you because we don’t do much drawing at home, and all you do is run around all day.  You were very excited drawing, and we spend time outlining the cars which you had.  You loved it, and I loved it.  Running around is exhausting for me… I mean you are not even half my height, and bending down constantly wears me out.  But drawing, we can both do.  One issue is we currently don’t have the right set-up, but we’ll figure it out.  Got to remember to buy you some crayons and what not for you use.

Oh, I forgot to mention, last weekend we took you to Canada’s wonderland.  I apologize in advance.  The weather was not looking too good, but based on the weather forecast, rains were expected to hold out until 1pm.  With that in mind, we went.  We got you on one ride, the train ride, which you loved and we waited for the next ride which was treetop helicopter.  Gosh the lines were long.  We waited for almost half an hour, and right when we were at the front, thunderstorm warning.  The fun weekend at Canada’s wonderland was cut short.  You saw all those fun things you can do and you just wanted to do it, but you weren’t allowed to.  Honestly, I felt quite bad… I’ll make it up to you somehow, I promise.

As always, I love the father son time we have.  When you want me to play with you, it melts my heart.  I love you so much.  Always stay cheerful!

Love always,

Dad.

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Friday June 23, 2017

Dear son,

This week you grown a lot.  Your speech development improved significantly and can string simple sentences together.  I am surprised actually when you tell me what you want.  However, it’s funny as well.  I know you know what you want to say, but you don’t have the vocabulary to say it.  As a result, you do one of two things, (1) stutter as you try to force the word out and (2) say some jibberish and then laugh.  I think both are very adorable.  The jibberish part is especially entertaining as you would entertain yourself with your new found skill.

As you grow, I also find you to be quite a practical joker, and be amused with very little things.  For example, you would point to my white shirts and call it “fan-fan” (rice), and then when we look at it and tell you it’s not, you would laugh.  In your mind, you must think that “haha, I fooled you.”  When you laugh, we laugh with you.  Your joy and happiness is our joy and happiness and we want you to be joyful and happy always.

On a positive note this week, your cough has gotten better.  As always, once I think that something happens.  Summer has started, and you love going outside.  Luckily we got a park right behind our house and you just want to go to the park.  Your mom and I found the best thing to do to get you to sleep at night is to spend all your energy.  At home, the amount of energy expenditure is limited, so we try to take you outside.  Wednesday was  a beautiful day for such activity.  It was, however, windy.  It wasn’t cold winds, just windy.  I thought, as I was not cold, you should be either.  So you ran around the park in your t-shirt.  Guess what happened?  Yup, you guessed it, started coughing again.  Fail.  The cough was not too bad, which is reassuring, but seeing you constantly cough like this, we can only imagine how your health would hold up when you grow older.  Your dad has learned his mistake, you will be wearing a jacket from now on.

Lastly, this week, you been especially excited to see me.  So much so, you started biting me.  (Your mom bites me, because she says it’s love bite.)  Although I don’t let your mom bite me, I let you, because whatever you do is cuteness in my eyes.  Honestly, I love how you are excited to see me, and how you are excited to play with me.  I am a low energy person, so I need a lot of coffee.  In order to maintain a high energy level with you, I started drinking coffee in the afternoon to have enough energy at night to play with you.  It may not be as great for my health, but it’s worth it.  I just try to manage it, by not drinking coffee in the morning… sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t.

This week has been quite calm, which is always a good thing.  I can’t wait to see you grow and starting talking to us.  It’s a happy thing as well as a sad thing.  Happy because you are growing, and sad because you are growing.

Love always,

Dad.

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Monday June 19, 2017

Dear son,

Missed writing last Friday.  The reason was for you, as always.  We went to the indoor gym at Angus Glen where they put all kinds of cars, balls and fun kid stuff in the gym for kids your age to play.  At first, you seem a little hesitant to play, but you eventually warmed up and started having fun.  The whole indoor gym was for an hour and a half, and we got there right at the beginning and you didn’t leave until the end.  You ran ran and ran, played played and played.  You don’t vocalize much, but you sure had fun.  Gosh, I broke out in sweat chasing after you.  Luckily your yea-yea was there, and subbed in for me.

So what’s been happening in your little life the past week.  As you know, we’ve returned from Hawaii, and for some reason you reverted to your younger days, sleep-wise.  First, you are not willing to sleep on your own, unless we are in the room with you and second you have been waking up in the middle of the night at least once.  The whole last week, your mom and I had to wake up to soothe you in the middle of the night.  We finally decided over the weekend that you will cry it out, and this night time wake up ritual needs to stop.  Sometimes I think it’s abuse.  I watch you on the monitor cry and cry, and wail and wail and we just leave you.  Eventually, you calm back down and go back to sleep and the next morning, you are brand new like nothing happened.  I know you miss us, but we are just next door.  Don’t worry, we won’t be leaving for vacation again without you.

Over the weekend, it was Father’s Day.  You probably didn’t know that, in your world, it’s either one of three things, eat, sleep or play.  There’s nothing else.  So for Father’s Day weekend, we first cut your hair.  Cutting your hair is always painful, as you are inconsolable.  However, for last half year now, you have been absolutely fascinated with RC trucks on youtube.  You just love watching them do construction work and do the pouring and all kinds of stuff.  I don’t know if you know that these are miniatures of the real thing, but whatever the case maybe, you are fascinated with it.  So as a way to control you during the haircut, we put it on for your viewing pleasure.  You don’t get to watch much TV, but when you do, it’s for some reason.  🙂 Of course, you stilled cried.  However, we were able to get a nice cut in. It’s nice a short and not that long bushy stuff that you’ve been running around with.  Now it’s summer so it’s perfect time for short hair.

Afterwards, we had a playdate with auntie Louisa and uncle Adam with Sully.  Of course, you still played in parallel, I don’t think you’ve come to understand how to play together.  That’s okay, eventually you’ll get there.  I don’t know why, maybe it’s how uncle Adam looks, but you are not afraid of him like other people.  Typically you are shy and you cower around your mom and I.  But you didn’t with uncle Ad.  In fact, when we went out to walk around, you even let him hold your hand as we crossed the street.  I don’t know what it is, maybe uncle Ad is just warm, and you like him.  Who knows, hopefully we’ll have more playdates and you can play more with Sully.

It’s funny sometimes, people say you are tall.  And I’m happy about that, but to me, I really can’t tell.  Reason is, Sully and Evy are both big babies, and as compared to them you are not that tall.  It’s so hard to tell if you really are tall.  However, when we went to Angus Glen, there was a kid there around your age, and you were at least a head above him.  That was when I knew you were tall.

On Sunday, we celebrated Father’s Day with yea-yea for lunch and gon-gon at dinner.  You gave yea-yea a “Grandpa and me” book, which we bought and we bought gon-gon a cake.  As their only grandson, you melt their hearts all the time.  Of course, we are the closest people you have and sadly, makes us your closest friends.  So when they leave, you yearn for them.  Why won’t they melt knowing that?

As I reflect on the past Father’s day weekend, one thing strikes me between a Father-child relationship.  As men, we hold close our emotions.  Typically affection is not something we show, whether it be conditioning or embarrassment or ethnicity.  But unlike women, they are more open with emotions.  However, with kids, it breaks down all barriers men have with their kids.  They are as open and free emotionally with them.  I think ultimately we don’t like to be judge and we know with children, how goofy we are will not lead to a negative judgement.

I hope in the future you will understand this with your child.  YOu will grow through a phase where it’ll be tough being men and having the expectation of what men should be like.  But remember, no one is judging you except yourself.  Confidence comes within, not from others.

Love always,

Dad.

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Friday – June 9, 2017

Dear son,

I wanted to write sooner once we returned from Hawaii, but I figured it best to keep to the schedule of writing on Friday.

So yes, we have returned and I have to admit, it was a nice break for your mom and I, but every corner we turned while we were in Hawaii we thought of you.  Not going to go into too much detail about Hawaii, as I think we would return as a family when you are older.  Hopefully the good food places are still there, and you would get the chance to try some surfing.  Your old man sucks at it, your mom is more respectable.  But I’ve decided to not put myself through that torture again, but if you and your mom wants to go surfing, I would be more than happy to watch from the beach.

Your grandparents gave us daily updates of you while we were gone.  It made us sad to find out upon return that your cough has come back.  Maa-Maa Yea-Yea told us to bring some medicine for you when we went to pick you up, but your poa-poa said we should see the doctor.  When we asked for more detail, your poa-poa said you were fine.  You will find out quickly that your grandparents understate the truth to not have us worry.  I do think you will see that when you get older.

We were jetlagged from our red-eye flight, surprisingly I was not as tired as your mom on the Tuesday morning of our return date.  So I decided to put away all the luggage and clothes before we picked you up to hide any traces we were away.  I just didn’t want you to think that we have left at all (which is a lie, I know) or that we are going somewhere with you.  After all was done, we went to pick you up.

When we got to poa-poa’s place, maa-maa yea-yea was there already.  The jetlag now hit me, so I was a little slow in getting upstairs to see you.  I didn’t see your first reaction when we returned, but from the sounds, it seems you were quite excited.  When I got upstairs, I asked your mom how you were and whether we had to visit the doctor.  The answer was yes, so I left a voicemail to the doctor for an appointment.

Once that was settled, I finally had the opportunity to give you a proper hug.  First thing I noticed was your nails were so filthy.  I guess your grandparents didn’t bother cutting your nails.  What was worse, they had you bundled up in very thick, non-breathable fleece clothing.  The weather in Toronto turned cold the last few days, and with your cough, they thought you were cold.  So they decided to bundle you up as if it was freezing outside.  I think it was because you were so hot, and not having a proper shower, you were itchy.   So with your long nails, you scratched yourself quite bad and your back and legs had little scratch marks.  If I didn’t know any better, it looked like you got whipped while you were gone.

Then, your grandparents told us a concerning story.  The day we left, poa-poa saw your face was a little red.  She asked you what happened, and you said “suk suk da” (uncle hit) followed with the action of your hand hitting your face.  I was not sure how to interpret this.  First, in your daycare, everyone there is a woman.  You know the word for woman (“Jea-Jea”), so if they hit you you would of stated that.  But suk-suk is confusing.  Your mom and I guest you either saw a dad hit their kid at daycare or saw something on TV.  Whatever the case maybe, when I got you the Tuesday night before our trip, you weren’t opposed to staying at daycare.  Leads me to believe it’s not the daycare, but something else.  Funny thing is, this time your grandparents did not understate the significance of this, and made it a point to ensure we know about it and monitor it.  I think the reason they were extra cautious because they just don’t trust other people.

Each grandparent then proceeded to talk about the events which happened while we were gone.  Most of it were happy stories, but I think your grandparents don’t think it was a good idea we left you.  So I don’t think that would happen again.

After this, maa-maa yea-yea left and we had dinner at poa-poa’s.  You did not want to eat, as usual.  You have become quite a food critic and to be honest poa-poa’s meal that night was quite subpar.  But you never not eat, it’s rude.  As you were not eating, we just packed everything up and brought you home to give you a proper shower.

Honestly, I think you just missed home.  Once you got home, you were back to your usual self, making noises, running around.  When we got you a nice shower, you were even more refreshed.  I don’t blame you, those fleece clothing should only be left for the winter.  Seeing how happy you were coming home, it’s hard to leave you again.

The next day, your mom got the day off so she took you to see the doctor.  Hoping for the best, I assumed it was nothing to be worried about.  Of course, good news don’t run in the family and we find out that you may have childhood asthma, like me.   Apparently it’s genetics, sorry.  Well, I know like me, you will grow out of it.  At least that is what I’ll tell myself so as to not feel as guilty for my weak genetics.

In the afternoon, you went to play with Brody in the park.  Since I had to pick up your medicine, and your mom had to cook.  I decided to get you from the park, and we can hang out at Costco while your mom cooks.  When we got to costco, you were very obedient and not running around too much.  You held my finger and just walked where I walked.   While we waited for your prescription to be filled, you had so much fun watching the mechanics change tired.  It never ceases to amaze me how fascinated you are with the little things.  All in all, I had a wonderful time at Costco, and really enjoyed these father-son times.

One day, I know, you will not want to hang out with me.  All you will want from me is money and a ride.  That is the reality.  As much as I hate that idea, I know it’s a transition in life we all go through.  I went through that with yea-yea as well. So though it’ll be frustrating, I will love you just the same.  And when one day, you have kids of your own, you will come to appreciate all that I went through for you, like all that yea-yea went through for me.

Love,

Dad

 

 

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Monday – May 29, 2017

Dear son,

After two weeks away from daycare, you are finally well enough to go back.  Finally, we are not just throwing money away.  I know that this is only the beginning of us throwing money away on your behalf.  You won’t know it, but we will try to teach it.  Hopefully, you will grow up to be financially responsible like us.

As always, when I drop you off, you cry.  It’s heartbreaking for me to see you so sad.  You wake up in the morning, refreshed and happy.  You do not know you will be dropped off at daycare, but I do.  I feel like I am betraying your trust.  It is ultimately for the greater good.  You learn more things in daycare, and learn to socialize, something which is very important.  It is great to spend time with your grandparents, but more importantly you spend time with new people and other kids.  Just like the money, you won’t think it’s important now, but you will know when you get older how important this is.

In a few days, we will leave for Hawaii.  We will leave you in the loving care of your grandparents.  I hope you don’t know we left you behind, and you can leave all the “missing you” sentiments with your parents.  We will miss you lots – heck, I miss you now.  Look on the bright side, no more daycare.

I hope you have a great day, and remember though it sucks now, it’s always for your best.  Hope you will know that one day.

Dad.

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